Going back?

As you may know, Cholera is sweeping through Haiti like a firestorm. Friends of mine who are down there in the thick of it are reporting that they’re overwhelmed with the number of people needing help. This is as great a need as the immediate post-quake period, if not more. This is the worst outbreak of Cholera in a century!

I’ve wanted to go back to Haiti since coming home and I’ve been thinking and planning about when to go. Recently, I’ve really felt a strong pull to go now. It seems like every day I see or hear something else that makes me think I need to go. It seems like God is calling me to go and help.

But it’s not that easy (it never is, is it?). My passport expired last month. One of those things where I meant to renew it but it got pushed to the bottom of the stack. I don’t have a ready-made vacation like I did last summer. I’m in school now, so my schedule is even busier than before. And, Caleb is 2 and rambunctious! I feel like I’d be abandoning Sarah even more than the last time.

But, after having been before, and after reading Hole in our Gospel(well, I’m still working on it, did I mention I have no free time?), I can’t seem to look away like I might have before. People Jesus loves and died for are dying by the hundreds for lack of water. I can do something.

So, I’m hopefully going to be going back in January. Samaritan’s Purse asked me if I could come back net week, but I can’t arrange it with school and work (not to mention the lack of a passport). So, January looks like the earliest I could go. I’m starting to raise money and submit vacation requests and get that passport renewed. I know that if God wants me to go, He’ll make it happen.

I struggle with this question: are my motives pure? Is this God calling me to go, or is it me wanting to go for some reason? Do I want to “be a hero?” Even if my intentions are good, is this God’s will? Does it matter?

I wonder sometimes if we get caught up in the idea that God dictates every step He wants us to take. Perhaps He just wants us to serve. He just wants us to love people. Perhaps there is no “wrong reason” for going to Haiti.

Please pray for me as I try to sort it all out. Pray for Sarah as she struggles with being supportive even though it means being alone for a week. Pray for doors to open (or close). Above all, pray for the people of Haiti. Pray for those it the fight right now. While you’re at it, pray about what you can do.

To Be Your Hands and Feet

Caleb and I were out today running some errands, getting some last minute things for the trip when “The Power of Your Name” by Lincoln Brewster and Darlene Zschech came on the radio. This is my new favorite song and I usually turn it up and sing loud! But today, I couldn’t sing for some reason. Every time I opened my mouth, I got a big lump in my throat and nothing came out. Suddenly, it was like God telling me, “don’t sing, just listen.”

As I listened to the lyrics, I realized how that is exactly what this trip is about. To be His hands and feet. To love a world that’s broken. And it’s more than just helping people. It’s more than just a “good thing” or help after a disaster. It’s the power of His name. That is what is going to “see the world be changed.”

This is about far more than nursing or medicine. It is about loving people like Jesus does. You don’t have to go to Haiti to do that. You can do it every day. It just so happens, that god has asked me to do this as well. Thank you, God for letting me be a part of that.